You know, the kind of people they hire at bead shops today makes me almost want to quit shopping. Note I said almost.

I went into my favorite bead shop this morning. They had a beautiful set of antique Peruvian glass embossed beads on sale for 40% off! Plus, I had a coupon for 40% off any one item, and I figured what an opportunity for me to screw their little store over.

Ya know, I don't know why these people think I have the time to read all the fine print on those stupid coupons. I mean, if it's all that important, put the shit in big letters somewhere. *sigh* The coupon said, "40% off any ONE regular priced item." Ok. So this means I can't use my coupon if it's on sale? I don't see why not. So what if it isn't technically on the coupon. I don't know why they have such issues with these things. I mean, I'm the customer. Don't these stupid people know that the customer is always right? Usually if I bitch for long enough they just give me what I want anyway, but today the bitch manager was there and she had the nerve to say no.

Fine. So if I can't use my one coupon on the one item I wanted, I figured I'd use 10 coupons on 10 different little things, and then return them later for full price. Oh. My. God. They had a fit. What did I say before about that fucking writing on the coupon? If it's important, make it bigger. They claimed I could only use one coupon a day. Me? Only one? I told them over and over and over that I spend hundreds of dollars in their piddly little craphole of a store, but they didn't care. One per customer per day she screeched. One? One? What does that mean? I can't use 4 or 10 or 30 all today? Once again the bitch manager refused. I don't know what this world is coming to.

For that matter, they wouldn't take back the one of a kind African mosaic bead that I bought last year. They gave me some hassle about how "one of a kind" items were "non-returnable." Yeah, whatever. So what if I didn't have my receipt? So what if the check I used to pay for it bounced? I am the CUSTOMER and I am always right! I want cash back and I want it now! I don't see why they can't take me at my word for what I paid for it, I'm sure I know exactly how much I spend on every single little bead, even though I bought over a hundred thousand last year. These people!

To compound my frustration, they sold out of the simple little 24 karat gold lobster claw necklace clasp I needed. They claimed a mom's group came in and bought them all, but I know better. I know they are out to get me, and I won't let them! I'll be back next time, and I intend to get my way. I mean, I'm the customer, so I'm just always right!

Oh my GOD, I know this guy who knows this girl who used to go out with this other girl because she was a like a total lesbo (I mean, hello, ew gross!) who used to have a weblog thingie and she, get this, I SWEAR TO GOD, had this like, wish list for sex toys! Can you believe it? I can't find the URL because, like, my computer totally broke and OH MY GOD the guy who came to fix it, he was so so so cute, and anyhow, I lost all my buddy lists and my whole favorite file. Oh, by the way, like if I was on your list or something, and I haven't talked to you, that's why. So like, add me and I'll add you and we can chat again!!! COOL. (By the way if you forgot, my AIM screen name is: Loquacious Lynn, cool, huh??)

Anyway, like, I was thinking, maybe we could like have our own wish list, because we totally deserve it since we have a really cool site with a really unique design and great material. So, like, if you want, you can buy us beads because ohmigod, we totally love beads.

When I'm not busy driving my kids to soccer practice or ballet lessons or at PTA meetings, I am usually shopping at the mall (dude, there was this totally hot clerk at Macy's today, hello YUM! Thank GOD my hubby is still a hottie, huh!?) But when I am at home, I LOVE watching Martha (she is like, so totally innocent, I don't know what the big deal is) and while I watch I do craft projects, well, mostly I'm like totally into beading, it's an awesome way to like, be creative and stuff. Hey, maybe I can start posting pictures of the crafts I do with beads. Oh. But I like, need a camera, so could someone please buy me one??? Please?? )-:

Ok, here, I'm back. (Didn't know I was gone, did you? HA!) Ok, here's our Amazon Wish List. It's not as cool as having our own saveus.com site, but that's ok. Little Miss Bitter will have to add to it when she's not busy, cos she like, works and stuff. Kay, I have to go because I am giving myself a facial tonight, way cool, huh?? God Bless, Jesus loves you!

I am sick and tired about people complaining about savekaryn.com. Come on people, let's be fucking honest here... you're all just jealous. You wish you'd thought of it yourself. Hell, I wish I'd been the one to set it up, it'd save me trying to sell my junk mail on ebay to help pay for my SUV. Karyn is a goddess to all of us, she has shown us the way to get yourself as far in debt as possible buying anything and everything you want, and get the American public to help pay for it. What is wrong with you people, you should be sending every spare penny you have to help support poor Karyn. You just wish you'd been the one to put up that website and get over eight THOUSAND dollars in 9 weeks.

Ya know for that matter, it seems like almost every single website these days is begging for something, be it money or gifts or whatever. How can people condemn Karyn and at the same time have no problem with the thousands of other people asking for donations or gifts? "You like my website? Buy me something!" Fuck that. When did writing a blog start requiring paid sponsorship?

Ok, I'm jealous. I wish I had a billion readers who sent me gifts whenever I breathed. I wish I could put up an entry listing all the shit I want, and actually get some of it in the mail. I want a website so you all can pay off my debts. Crap, I wish I'd thought of it first. I bow down to the mighty Karyn... may she never have to go without Prada.